twenty-two and not a clue

it's been a year... a lot has changed, i have changed... so here's a little "commemorative" piece

as of april 2020, i would have spent a whole year as a working adult. i've officially become one of "them." it's almost as if this was the exact moment i stopped growing up. i've grown up; i'm a grown up now. as cliché as it sounds, the reality of being a grown up wasn't quite what i expected... because, during this past year, i realised a few things:

number 1. i never knew anything

when i first started out, i obviously didn't know a lot but i certainly felt like i knew enough about the industry, about how to behave, and what to expect. however, i spent the majority of my first year in the working world relearning some of the most basic things like reading, writing, and thinking

i thought i always had to be ready with solutions but instead, they asked me to come with questions

i thought everyday would present new opportunities for me to learn new things but instead, i was stuck in a loop of fixing the same problems over and over again

i thought there was a right way to do things and a wrong way to do things but instead, i discovered it didn't matter because people were only interested in what worked

none of the above are wrong or bad, but because it wasn't what i expected, i struggled to find my place, to be productive, and to contribute... until i realised i was in my own way

maybe being a grown up is choosing to set aside these expectations and to focus on taking things as they come

number 2. i (probably) won't know everything

a year ago, i embarked on my journey into the world of "social media marketing." since then, i've worked with two different companies, handled multiple clients across various industries, wrote briefs, pitched pitches, and spent countless hours working overtime. so technically, yes, i know much more now than i did when i first started out

but at the end of every working day, i found myself wondering, what the hell just happened? it's gone in a blur and i barely had the time to register what was going on. that scared me because i thought i could always be on top of things, that i would have most things figured out by now

it was foolish to think that i could know it all in a year... and now i'm wondering if it's equally silly to think that one day, i would know it all

maybe being a grown up is knowing that there will be things i'll never know and being okay with it

number 3. i know enough

ever since i was a child, i've yearned to hear these words:

you're talented

you're bright

you're brilliant

but, for twenty-two years of my life, i've never heard them. instead, people told me:

you're capable

you're sensible

you're hard-working

i wanted so badly to be special, to be the brains behind great ideas and impressive projects. but a year in the working world proved that this wasn't the case for me. and i've learned to be okay with it. for what i lacked in innate creativity, i will make up for in diligence and perseverance. if i have to work twice as hard for thrice as long to get there, then so be it. i've chosen to be in this industry; i'm willing to work because i'm here to learn. slowly but surely, i will get there (wherever i'm meant to be)

maybe being a grown up takes a whole lot more of a conscious effort than you ever thought it would

so yes, i'm twenty-two and have no clue what i'm doing. but that's ok. i'll be fine, just as long as i spend everyday trying to figure it out