"hello, my name is natasha. i'm a twenty-one-year-old fresh graduate with a general bachelor's degree and no idea what's next"
it's been a few weeks since my birthday and it's finally hit me -- the fact that i'm twenty-one, no longer twenty or turning twenty-one. instead of feeing pumped, optimistic, and on top of the world like i thought i would, i'm struck by a sense of loss. i've let all those years slip by me and what do i have to show for it? am i wiser? more mature? have i found my direction in life? what is my calling? what are my true passions?
but as i look back, i realised... maybe that's why i've had such a fulfilling childhood. i didn't care, i didn't want to care. my mother would bug me about university courses and entrance exams, my father would constantly "wonder" what my future plans were, everyone would ask what i wanted to do when i grew up...
each time, i would laugh and confidently reply, "i don't know!"
i had all the time in the world, i thought; my years seemed to stretch endlessly before of me. i did want i wanted and when i was done, i'd simply walk away. life was all about how i felt, more specifically, how i felt now. playing the piano was fun until it wasn't. ballet was great until i got bored. writing and drawing became just ways to pass my time. i did so many things so aimlessly. that's how i feel looking back now but maybe, i was simply living life, exploring what it had to offer, and learning what i could do
but time waits for no man... i need to realise that that was a privilege, a package that came with being a child. i'm grown up now, there are duties, roles, responsibilities, and expectations to fulfill. no point whining about the could have's and should have's. am i terrified, stressed, and overwhelmed? yes, but that's okay. it's all part of growing up
and i haven't strolled through twenty-one years of life with nothing to show for it. i've built bulletproof relationships with each of my family members. i've met amazing people who still, to this very day, inspire me to keep on keeping on, who continuously remind me that i'm enough, and who will always have my back. i've explored a little corner of the world that was my childhood and now it's time to take that leap of faith, spread my wings, and fly. i think i know what i want in life, and that's good enough...
each time, i would laugh and confidently reply, "i don't know!"
i had all the time in the world, i thought; my years seemed to stretch endlessly before of me. i did want i wanted and when i was done, i'd simply walk away. life was all about how i felt, more specifically, how i felt now. playing the piano was fun until it wasn't. ballet was great until i got bored. writing and drawing became just ways to pass my time. i did so many things so aimlessly. that's how i feel looking back now but maybe, i was simply living life, exploring what it had to offer, and learning what i could do
but time waits for no man... i need to realise that that was a privilege, a package that came with being a child. i'm grown up now, there are duties, roles, responsibilities, and expectations to fulfill. no point whining about the could have's and should have's. am i terrified, stressed, and overwhelmed? yes, but that's okay. it's all part of growing up
and i haven't strolled through twenty-one years of life with nothing to show for it. i've built bulletproof relationships with each of my family members. i've met amazing people who still, to this very day, inspire me to keep on keeping on, who continuously remind me that i'm enough, and who will always have my back. i've explored a little corner of the world that was my childhood and now it's time to take that leap of faith, spread my wings, and fly. i think i know what i want in life, and that's good enough...
i understand this may not be an issue everyone struggles with but these are my honest thoughts on crossing the final hurdle into adulthood. i guess this is also a first-world problem of sorts. i've got an amazing support system and i'm living comfortably with literally 100% financial stability but the pressure to be in control and successful can get a little bit much sometimes, y'know?
so many thoughts and yet, there is a little spark of hope in me. i will be okay. the world is big but i know who's bigger
