just changes or new beginnings?

hey hey

it's been a while since i've been on here... it feels weirdly nostalgic :)

okay so, it's been a time of a lot of revamps and changes lately: growing to love things i used to dislike, moving on from old things, transitioning from full-time school to full-time work, completely decluttering my room, and filling up the wardrobe with clothes that i actually like...

life is great, life is fun, and life is scary

i want to do so many things: i want to perform, i want to write, i want to direct/produce something, i want to learn new skills, i want to figure out what i am truly good at, i want to find my calling, but these things just mash together in my head and fizzes out

at the end of the day, i'm left behind by my own thoughts, feeling a strange sense of urgency building up in my chest... is it too late? did i miss my big break? but am i ready? is this even what i want?

i guess the question is: do i want it or do i just want to want it? like are these things just little accomplishments that will add to the whole that is my life or am i going to give it my 100% and make something out of it? must i decided?

that wasn't a very good summing up of things but it'll have to do

for now...